


mortal once again

by yolkpoet



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Not Canon Compliant, are you in the right headspace to be in alec's headspace?, but not quite AU but also very canon divergent with the plotlines, it's mostly just angsty pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yolkpoet/pseuds/yolkpoet
Summary: On their first date, they decide that maybe thataretoo different. It doesn't stop Alec from falling in love regardless.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	mortal once again

**Author's Note:**

> the basic structure of the plot remains, but it's moved around a bit and the focus is primarily malec :))

_you whisper words forbidden  
_ _to see if I’ve been listening_

  
  
  


Magnus Bane has become a fixture alarmingly quick in Alec's very, very small world. He’s so clever, so sweet, and as bold as the words that slip like poetry out of that - that _mouth_.

Pining after Jace always felt safe because there was always an expected ending, an expected response. Alec was confused and he was lonely and he didn't understand any of it, and all of it jumbled up in a ball and he could only ever force that upon Jace because it was _safe_. No one was going to condemn him for loving his parabatai.

But, this -

Oh, this is catastrophic. Because, as Magnus spreads like wildfire across Alec's world, he brings with him a looming sense of dread. There's only one way Alec can see it ending. Over and over again in his dreams, he sees it ending in just _one_ way. As if it's inevitable. As if every version of every Alexander Gideon Lightwood and every Magnus Bane across lifetimes are crashing together just like this. Unstoppable. Cosmic.

A hope takes root inside Alec and foolishly, he lets it.

  
  


"Alec," Izzy hisses and Alec is forced back to action, clearing his throat. He catches Jace's frown and looks towards the projector. He pointedly does _not_ glance over to where Magnus is standing - looking inquisitive about the case they're working on and most likely unaware of the turmoil inside Alec's head. He had been transfixed only seconds before by Magnus' fingers tapping on the table so he knows this case is worrying him. Probably even more than it’s worrying the Institute. There was a quiet, little rift days ago and they had it sealed back up within a few hours, and never thought about it again until staked vampires started showing up in odd places. Alec knows about Magnus’ paternal sentiment towards downworlders, especially vampires, and _especially_ a particular vampire. He’s been tense and frowning since he came in this morning.

It's probably not very ethical that all Alec can think about is how pretty that brilliant shade of green looks on Magnus. But, try as he might, he can't focus on anything else. He hasn't been able to get his head straight since the wedding and since his feet - mindless of the terror that seeped like ice down his spine - carried him towards Magnus and away from the confines of tradition. It's like he'd locked away his desires for so long that now he was finally free to show interest in another man, his heart seemed to be bursting at the seams with it. It still felt absurd that Magnus was just _there_ in the Institute and everyone knew Alec had kissed him months ago and nobody said another word about it. As if he'd made up all that repression in his own head. As if the boogey-man was fake and by some stroke of luck, Magnus was one hundred percent real and _liked_ him. Liked _him_.

Ridiculous.

"I'm afraid the situation is escalating," Raphael speaks up as the projector pulls up all missing and proclaimed ‘dead’ vampires at once. 

"There have been no traces of any sort of demonic activity in the past few days," Jace says, arms crossed with one hand at his mouth and fingers worrying at his bottom lip, "It doesn't make any sense. Why do all this if it's not a message?"

It's quiet for a while and then Raj speaks up and Raphael bites back, and that's the end of a peaceful meeting. Alec dismisses them in a clipped tone and the harshness of his words seems to rattle everyone except Magnus - who is looking at him with unreadable eyes and the softest, tiniest hint of a smile. Alec hopes he isn't blushing and to overcompensate, he frowns and leaves the room in quick, perfect strides. He feels Magnus' eyes on him the whole time.

They'd gone on their first date at that glittering, cozy bar, and Alec had felt lighter in years until _that_ conversation had come up. Until his mind had been poisoned by seventeen thousand different insecurities. The rest of the date had been stunted after that and they'd come home quietly. And, when Alec began to voice his doubts, it had been Magnus who'd uttered the word _different_ . Too different. That word glued itself to his every thought along with the image of how defeated Magnus had looked as he said it. _Different_. They were too different. Alec had left then and Magnus had let him. The silence felt catastrophic and it weighed on Alec even after he left.

The whole time home, he couldn't help but think that maybe he didn't _care_ how many people Magnus had been with. That maybe he could show him something worth a thousand different small flings. Something significant. Something that was different, yes, but in a good way. He imagined he said all this to Magnus and Magnus kissed him quiet and took him right back into his heart and his arms as easily as he had the very first time.

As it is, months later, Alec is stuck looking infatuated in meetings and Magnus grows more reserved by the day.

"I'd just like to add that _personally,_ " Jace says, elbows on the bar counter and a mirthless grin on his face, "I'm in a perfectly good mood so if you could keep your brooding to a minimum, I could actually enjoy this beer."

Alec rolls his eyes and takes a swing of his own beer, wincing at the taste of it. He's never been much of a drinker but he'd always tried for Magnus. _Magnus_. At the thought of him, Alec's heart sinks.

"Oh, for fuck sake," Jace groans and understandably, leaves Alec at the bar counter alone to go to Izzy's booth. The two knock shoulders and whisper about something before turning to look at him with the same exact expression of worry. Then, the worry morphs into twin expressions of shock followed by panic as they look over Alec's shoulder. Alec frowns and turns to follow their gaze, ignoring Jace's loud, "Alec, hey-" as Magnus Bane walks into bar. There’s a man right behind him, talking animatedly. 

Magnus freezes as soon as he spots Alec and then, he moves towards him with a guarded smile.

"How pleasant running into you like this, Alexander," Magnus offers politely, “Let me introduce you to the High Warlock of Chicago, Julian Stone. And, Julian, this is Alexander Lightwood. I'm sure you're familiar with the family."

Alec takes this time to study the man, taking note of his perfect smile, his dimples, his golden hair, his big hand that has the audacity to reach forward. With a tight grin, Alec accepts the hand and pumps it once before letting go. Julian doesn't seem offended, just a little confused. His eyes are such an absurd, bright green that Alec wonders if they're his mark.

"Ah, yes, the Lightwoods," Julian says, "Of course. I've heard a great deal about the progress you've been making, Alexander."

Alec's heart gets stuck in his throat, like he's choking on it, and Magnus' eyes widen just a fraction to betray his emotions. He clears his throat and says, “Uh, you can call me Alec."

"My apologies," Julian offers, blissfully unaware of the tension, and his big hand then has the nerve to curl ever so slightly around Magnus' elbow to set him into motion.

Magnus hesitates slightly and gives Alec a painfully polite, _hope to see you around_ , before he continues walking further into the bar. The pair make their way to the end of the bar counter with Magnus nearly right against the wall and his shoulder snug against Julian's. Alec takes another swing of his beer and it's strange - this time it doesn't taste so awful.

Izzy sighs - for the fifth time in so many minutes - and Alec pays it no mind. The warlocks have moved to a booth and are picking at the same bowl of peanuts as they drink cosmos. Alec snorts - _cosmos_ \- and Izzy sighs again.

"Can we _please_ leave before you embarrass yourself any further?" Izzy whines, but Alec can barely hear her. His eyes are nearly watering because he's afraid to blink and miss a second of anything significant. Any microscopic hint of romance between the High Warlocks. Alec can't imagine someone not being charmed by Magnus and he can also admit that Julian is perhaps, quite possibly the most handsome man he's seen.

"Why are they still talking?" he wonders out loud and he's rewarded by a groan.

"The guy literally conjured up blueprints in front of your eyes like fifteen minutes ago. It's clearly a business meeting. You drove Jace away _hours_ ago. You're _insane._ Let's _go_."

He yelps as there's a pinch on his forearm and turns accusing eyes on Izzy. She stares back at him looking utterly unimpressed. He's about to tell her off when she suddenly hisses out, "They're leaving the booth. Can you please chill?"

Moments later, a hand squeezes Alec's shoulder and Julian comes into view with a dazzling smile, bidding goodbye with a little, "Looking forward to what else you can shake up at the Institute, Mr. Lightwood."

Alec watches him leave and then, there's Magnus standing by them looking unsure and out of place. Two emotions Alec has never seen Magnus display.

"He's new," Izzy says, ignoring Alec's pointed glare, "How do you know him?"

It feels significant that as Magnus says, "Business. I met him through Catarina at a club in Chicago," his eyes never leave Alec.

"Oh?" Izzy hums, not a shred of genuine curiosity in her voice, "Is he single?"

At that, Magnus' tension melts and he taps a finger fondly under Izzy's chin, saying, "That one is not for you."

Instantly, a million questions swarm inside Alec's head. Why not? Is he not interested in girls? Is that why? Or, is he taken? Or, does Magnus have interest in him himself? _Why not?_

Magnus is once again oblivious to Alec's inner turmoil as he elaborates no further and offers Izzy a warm smile that turns into something unreadable as he looks at Alec. His goodbyes are as polite and detached as his hellos had been and he leaves without looking back. Alec turns sharp, narrow eyes on his sister.

"What?" she asks, sounding _very_ bored.

"I can't believe he's dating and why on earth would you ask-"

" _What?_ " she hisses out and he loses his steam just a little, "Okay, that's enough. Your ex-almost boyfriend is literally trying to have business meetings and that's as deep as it gets. You owe me ice cream for what you've put me through. Like, right now."

She shows Alec's disgruntled expression absolutely no patience and tugs him out of his seat. It should be said that Alec does get her ice cream but he's not sure how much his sister enjoys it when he spends the whole time analyzing Magnus' non-date, business meeting.

That weekend, two more vampires with stakes through their chests pop up in Brooklyn and there's another emergency meeting set up. This time, Raphael isn't restraining himself and comes in with anger almost visibly crackling around him. He only calms down when Magnus comes in on his heels, resting a hand right where Raphael's heart is and pressing for a second - forcing eye contact. Raphael looks defiantly livid for a second before he closes his eyes and sighs. The anger finally gives room to other emotions and Raphael moves away from Magnus to walk up to Alec, Jace, Clary, and Izzy. Alec doesn't miss the small look Izzy and Raphael share, and before he can let his hackles rise over it, Magnus is moving towards the head of the table and calling everyone's attention by just standing there.

"Perhaps I should to cut straight to it," Magnus says somberly, "Catarina has scavenged some of the sights where we've found the bodies and she's afraid we have a greater demon loose."

The shadowhunters crowded along the walls start whispering amongst themselves but a sharp glance by Alec has them quietening down.

"A greater demon?" Izzy asks softly, "How do we find out who it is?"

"Since I've spent some time in Edom myself and I'm familiar with some, uh, _note-worthy_ demons, Catarina has asked me to survey the sights myself. I hope to track a source. After that, it's as easy as a summoning circle."

"You shouldn't go alone," Jace says, "It might be dangerous and you'll need someone watching your back as you check."

Clary steps forward with tenfold the strength her small frame suggests and Magnus shakes his head with a soft, "Biscuit, no-"

"Magnus," Clary interrupts, curling a hand over Magnus' forearm, "We can't afford to waste any time. The body count has been escalating."

By the time they set out to leave, Izzy has joined Clary and the two flank Magnus on their way out. They make for a strangely foreboding team, but Alec's stomach twists thinking about sending so many people he cares about out into a space where a greater demon roams freely. Before he can slip too far in his concern, Jace slaps his shoulder lightly and they head to Underhill's office to do some research.

Alec is falling asleep over his tablet when there's a one, loud knock on his door and it's swung open without waiting for his invitation. Izzy, Clary, and Magnus enter looking as whole as they'd left, and some of the tension slips off of Alec's shoulders. He sets down the tablet and stands up as Izzy says, "The bodies were found a block away from the Brooklyn Police Department, but Magnus was able to track a source. Sort of."

"Good," Alec says firmly and turns to look at the warlock for further information.

"The magic reeks of Lilith but it isn't that strong. I think it might be one of her disciples. Whoever it is, they can't be taken lightly. I'm afraid figuring out who they are is going to be tricky because summoning Lilith herself would be, well, stupid."

Alec can't help but agree. He glances down at his desk and rubs a hand down his face, feeling a headache coming on. With a sigh, he rests both hands on his desk and stares into his tablet as if willing it to conjure up answers for him. Izzy and Clary are mumbling about something to each other, but it's background noise until Izzy speaks up a little louder and says, “I think we should look at the bodies again in the forensics lab."

After Alec's nod, she begins to leave and Clary follows her out. They're already discussing theories between them by the time they're out the door. Alec is so in his head about the case that he only realizes he's alone in his office with Magnus when he looks from the shut door to Magnus' warm eyes. The warlock offers him a smile that Alec almost painfully reciprocates. There's a certain edge to Magnus that's hard to read and it's making Alec's skin itch. Like there's something deeply wrong and Magnus put up wards around himself so not a single soul can see what he's hiding.

"I should also head out," Magnus says with that usual, too-polite tone.

"Are you okay?" Alec blurts out and Magnus' surprised eyes widen and then narrow as he smiles.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" he says, spreading his arms gracefully and then bringing his hands together - fingers toying with his rings like they only do when he's just a little nervous.

"I don't _know_ why you wouldn't be. That's why I'm asking," Alec says and he feels suddenly bold in his concern. Yes, they didn't end up dating, but that doesn't mean Alec ever stopped caring for the warlock. He never pretended to stop and he wasn't going to now. Once a Nephilim opened their heart to someone, it was permanent.

Magnus' smile loses a bit of its softness at the edges but the warlock remains as stubborn as ever.

"Thank you for your concern, Alexander, but I'm fine. Really. And, we have bigger things to worry about," he says and he's already shifting his body towards the door, "I'm going to meet with Raphael to discuss further actions and-"

"Raphael can wait," Alec interjects neatly, "What you need to do is rest. You're no good to us when you're dead on your feet."

Magnus opens his mouth as if to argue against that but seems to think better of it. Anyone with eyes can tell Magnus is tired and overworking himself. It doesn't take having Alec's particular set of too-interested, too-observant eyes to see that.

"You're right," Magnus says with a sigh, rubbing his fingers on his temple before waving them dismissively, "I supposed I'm sabotaging the case more than helping it."

Before Alec can say he doesn't actually _care_ about the case when it comes to Magnus' health, the warlock is already on his way out. Alec begins to wonder why he can't seem to hide how much he still cares about Magnus, but Magnus has no qualms about treating Alec like some shadowhunter he met a week ago. He wonders if all that beginning part where Alec had steadfastly ignored Magnus' bold, lethal attempts at flirting - if all that had just been something Magnus always did. That maybe he’d spent all that time tearing down the walls around Alec’s heart just so it’d be easier to leave. That maybe Alec isn't special. No matter how emphatically Magnus had yelled - all those months ago - that Alec was new for him too. Because if Magnus feels even a quarter of what Alec does, he wouldn't be able to act this detached, this sterile.

And, it's unfortunate that regardless of the distance Magnus is trying to put between them, Alec never quite stops wanting to kiss him.

New York City is particularly abrasive as it nears midnight on a Saturday, and Alec can't help but wrinkle his nose at the amount of mundanes that have brushed past him in the past five minutes. Izzy is grinning from ear to ear, like an elated child as she hangs off of Alec's elbow in a bright, blue dress. Jace is sullen but manages to crack a smile every now and then when Clary points out anything she finds interesting. Magnus is just one step behind Clary and has the somber air of a chaperone about him. A few days ago, Raphael had come in with a lead and he said there was something really weird about a certain downtown bar. He'd noticed it attracted a lot of downworlders but a strange amount of vampires seem to predominate the clientele. And, there wasn't a social hub that was impervious to Raphael. He was worried someone was purposely luring vampires.

So, they'd all set out to check the bar out. Clary and Jace were going to survey the area around the bar, while Izzy, Alec, and Magnus went inside. Since Magnus was such a prominent figure, they were hoping to use him as distraction as Izzy and Alec searched the bar looking for any further leads.

Once they reach the bar, Clary and Jace keep walking straight and then disappear around an alley. Magnus gets them inside with a smile and a very pointed flicker of reddish blue magic. The entire plan goes perfectly but the bar still ends up being a bust - nothing really out of place - and they all meet back up with each other in Alec's office. Raphael joins them moments later and brushes off their findings of the bar, stating he'll have someone else look into it later.

"I talked to some contacts I have in other cities," Raphael says, "Just to see if maybe they'd dealt with anything like this before and a case in New Orleans sounded similar. I'm going to make a visit to look into the details this weekend and hopefully have something substantial to report back."

Alec nods and begins to agree with that plan when Izzy perks up.

"What about Chicago?" she says, grinning at Magnus, "We have _contacts_ in Chicago, if you need them."

Alec briefly dreams about shooting an arrow that hooks miraculously on Izzy's collar and yanks her straight out of the room. Magnus, meanwhile, looks confused. Izzy's grin slips away into annoyance and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh my god, Magnus, I'm talking about Julian."

At that, the warlock simply gives her a look and moves past the moment with a simple, "It's purely business between us, so I'm not sure if I have any right to call in favors and make him speak for vampires in his city. Raphael has his own ways."

Pleased, Alec opens his mouth to put them back on track, but Izzy doesn't seem quite finished.

"But, he's _so_ cute," she whines, looking impish, and Magnus merely shakes his head in amusement.

"Enough," Alec barks out, startling even himself with his volume, "Raphael, let me know if you need anything from us. The rest of you, leave my office and don't come back until you have something useful to contribute to the case."

They all trickle out until only Jace remains and his parabatai has that goddamn look on his face that seems to precede every uncomfortable conversation Alec wants to avoid.

"What's up with you?" he asks bluntly and Alec simply tightens his jaw.

After an intense stare-off, Jace rolls his eyes and uncrosses his arms to raise them in defeat.

"You win," he says, "But, when you've eventually worn yourself out, you know where to find me. I'm not going to let anything hurt you, not even your own stupid thoughts."

He feels deep, warm strokes of concern through the bond, but he doesn't stop Jace as he leaves. He wouldn't be true to himself if he didn't overthink something to death.

Another lead comes in from Luke Garroway, who's been working with Raphael on the side since the beginning of the case. He tells them that someone from his pack has been noticing weird stuff going down at the very same bar Raphael had pointed them towards. His concern convinces them to give the bar a revisit, but this time, they decide to go in fewer numbers. Clary and Izzy go to the bar that following weekend, just to familiarize themselves with any prominent downworlders they find there. Jace and Alec go in the next day. After a few days of back and forth, and tracking some patrons outside of the bar, they still come up empty-handed. Whatever weird stuff has been going on, it seems to curiously miss the shadowhunters' watch.

Then, according to their shift schedule, it's Magnus and Alec’s turn. To avoid any questions raised if Magnus were to visit a second time, the warlock is given the job of surveying the perimeters while Alec goes inside.

The bar is as unassuming as usual when Alec steps in, but he makes sure to take note of any faces he might recognize from previous visits. He moves quickly towards the bar and orders a beer. Sitting down on the bar stool, he pretends to be busy on his phone and looks up occasionally at the room. He's ready to call it a bust when the stool next to him is suddenly occupied in a flourish of movement and a flowery perfume assaults his senses.

The man now seated next to him has strangely adorable bat ears peaking out of thick, curly, black hair. He looks like a faerie, though Alec knows right away he's a warlock - a brazen one at that, having his mark out for all to see. One of his ear twitches as Alec stares at him and then he's grinning, showing deep dimples in deep brown skin.

"Haven't seen anything this… interesting,” the warlock says, eyes looking up and down Alec, "in these ends in a while."

Alec flushes and clears his throat, trying to appear intimidating.

"I was actually on my way out," he says and the warlock presses a finger against his sternum to stop him from getting up.

"Stay for a drink," he says with a disarming smile. He then trails a finger up Alec's chest until he reaches the middle of his collar. With a swipe, he's exposing Alec's deflection rune and smirking. Alec jerks away and straightens his collar back up, looking warily around him to see if anyone noticed. The warlock simply settles back into his chair and asks the bartender for two gin and tonics. He doesn't seem even slightly bothered by Alec's glare.

"My name's Naji," he says lightly, "And, I'm assuming you won't be sharing yours."

When all Alec does is stare at him with slightly narrowed eyes and his jaw set, Naji throws his head back in a laugh. It's so open and carefree that Alec is wondering if his defensive, guarded attitude is even necessary. Naji carries the rest of the conversation, giving Alec very little room to react as he jumps from his life in Boston currently to where he used to live in great palaces of Tehran. Alec is begrudgingly having a pretty decent time when Naji off-handedly mentions vampires.

"Normally, you couldn't pay me to leave Boston, but there's been such an unrest these past few weeks in the downworld with, as you probably know, the killings."

Alec perks up and leans forward, asking, "You came here because of the killings? Why?"

Naji purses his lips and looks to the side as he thinks, as if hesitating to get into it. Seemingly deciding to just go for it, he says, "Well, vampires have been calling upon us warlocks for help because the culprit seems to be of demon origins. We've been told the rift before the murders happened in the city so I came just to look into things. It's a scary, scary place to be a downworlder these days."

"I've been looking in the killings myself with my team," Alec admits, "What made you come to this particular bar?"

Naji narrows his eyes and lowers his voice as he says, "What made _you_ come to this particular bar?"

"Okay," Alec straightens up, "We need to talk about this somewhere secure. Let's go."

He leads them out of the bar and into the same alley Clary and Jace had gone into the first time. He doesn't see Magnus anywhere as he pulls Naji into a corner behind some discarded delivery boxes. If there's something really going on at this bar, Alec doesn't want to implicate any more warlocks than he already has.

"Raphael Santiago said he's noticed this bar attract a strange amount of vampires in the past few weeks and that it only became a hub after the rift opened. My team has surveyed the spot several times, but it's like whatever strange activity is reported, it's hidden to us. We have the High Warlock of Brooklyn looking into it, too, but we haven't found any evidence to link this bar to the killings."

"Ah," Naji says, "Magnus Bane? Well, if he can't find anything wrong, I suppose I'm wasting my time trying to do it myself."

He chews his bottom lip for a second as he gets lost in his thoughts and then perks up with, "Oh, my. You're that shadowhunter, aren't you? The one whose wedding Magnus crashed."

Alec rolls his eyes and says, "I don't think that's relevant, right now. I wonder if you'd mind coming back to the Institute with us. Maybe if we put all our individual research together, we'll find something new."

Naji is smirking, and once again, seems unbothered by Alec's glare even as the shadowhunter stands at least a head taller than him, but he agrees nonetheless.

By the time they reach the Institute, Magnus seems to have been back for a while and has drawn up some blue graphics on the table that Izzy is studying. He's expanding the view of some building when he glances up and sees Alec coming. Then, his eyes slip from Alec to Naji and narrow instantly. Naji, however, is busy surveying the Institute with wide eyes and yanks at Alec's sleeve to ask a question about one of the marble structures they pass. The familiarity of the action has Magnus' jaw clenching and by the time they reach the table, Alec seems to be curiously invisible to the warlock.

"Hey," Alec says somewhat awkwardly, "This is Naji. He's the High Warlock of Boston and I ran into him in the bar. He's working this case, too, so I thought it might help to bring him in. Naji, that's my sister, Izzy, and you already know Magnus."

Naji shakes Izzy's hand and then extends his to Magnus, who smiles tightly as he accepts it.

"I've heard so many stories about you, Mr. Bane," Naji says with blatant reverence.

"All exaggerated, I'm sure," Magnus digresses politely, "What brings you to New York? This case?"

"Yes, well, we've had some concerns of our own and there's something so meticulous about these murders. The bar was a tip we got from a vampire who was in town visiting. It seems as though someone is attracting downworlders to the bar with the sole purpose of picking out vampires they might want to follow home and eventually harm. Your Alec tells me you haven't found any connection, however."

If Magnus is startled by _your Alec_ , he doesn't show it.

"I see. Any other leads?"

Naji thinks for a moment before snapping his finger and saying, "Oh, yes! We think there might be something to look into at one of the Brooklyn graves. I believe it's called Green-Wood Cemetery."

"They have tours during the day, so we'll have to go at night," Izzy says and Alec nods.

"Naji and I will go at eleven, then," Alec says.

"I'll meet you at the gate, Lightwood," Naji says and gives him a little wink as he leaves. Alec looks at the building Magnus has conjured up and squints at the blue lines, not recognizing it. He's opening his mouth to ask about why they have it pulled up when he looks up and sees Magnus' staring at him and Izzy smirking at him. He doesn't know which to address first, but then Izzy makes the choice for him.

"He's _precious_ , Alec," she says with heavy connotation and it only hardens whatever that look in Magnus' eyes is.

With a delicate swipe of his hand, Magnus is collapsing the graphic back into the table and pulling up a new one of the cemetery. He keeps his gaze fixed on the table as he starts surveying the fairly large cemetery's entry points and other landmarks.

"What matters is that he helps," Alec says and then looks at Magnus, "Do you know anything about the cemetery? Maybe there's some demonic connection to it?"

Magnus shakes his head.

"It's just a beautiful, grand graveyard. In all my years in Brooklyn, I've only ever seen it from the outside and I've never heard anything else about it. Perhaps your new... friend can shed some more light on it tonight. I, myself, have to speak with Raphael to update him soon so I should be heading out."

With some more polite smiles, a firm squeeze to Izzy's shoulder, Magnus is leaving the room in such a haste that he might as well have used a portal. Alec is almost relieved by his exit, because these last few weeks, nearly _months_ , have taken a toll on him. Always being _this_ close to the warlock and doing nothing except act like the stuffy shadowhunter of the past has been torture. Only _that_ shadowhunter would be _this_ terrified to even share a smile with Magnus Bane. Yet, simultaneously, Alec is finding his footing in his new world with his new skin and he's feeling a little looser. A little brighter. Just a smidge braver. He hasn’t feel that awful, awful need to be accepted quite as often and even Naji's blatant flirtation had been a breath of fresh air.

His heart always used to feel too big for his chest and he thinks he's finally growing into it, so wearing a mask around Magnus is beginning to feel like self-betrayal. The joke is, he thought he already avoiding that by kissing Magnus at the wedding. Turns out, having nothing concrete - no big, bad Clave, no stifling parents - stopping you from dating the man you like but still being unable to do so is a whole new type of ache.

All he can do for now is work this case.

Naji is waiting at the gate at 11 p.m. sharp when Alec walks up to the imposing, gray arches of it. He has his curls up in a bun with a few vagrant strands framing his face, and he's wearing a very similar outfit to the one he'd had on at the bar - a simple white shirt tucked into jeans. Though, instead of the leather jacket he'd worn earlier in the day, he’s tied a red, black flannel around his waist. That flowery scent still hits Alec as he comes to stand besides him.

"I've already zapped the pesky locks away," he says cheekily, "So, let's hurry in."

Wasting no time, they begin walking around the cemetery looking for any signs of abnormal activity. There are magnificent graves everywhere and even a beautiful church, but the area is also devoid of any potential leads. Naji informs him that they'd been told to look into this cemetery after a vampire had last seen one of their fledglings insist on visiting before that fledging showed up staked near the Brooklyn Police Department. The vampire in question had been a Boston native who'd come to the city for business and had been staying at a nearby hotel for the past month. Alec admits that even the choice to visit a cemetery in the middle of the night - and, that too, alone without any further explanation - was certainly odd. But, no matter how long they search, it's starting to feel as dead-end of a lead as the bar.

Then, they hear a twig snap and they both duck. Crouching behind a wide gravestone, they see a girl in a long, black coat heading towards a strange, pyramid shaped mausoleum. Her blonde hair fall like ringlets in stark contrast to the coat and she ducks her head as she steps into the mausoleum. Alec moves to get closer but Naji yanks him back down.

"We can't go in," he whispers, "She'll see us or smell us. Let's keep waiting. Certainly strange for a young girl to be slipping into graves in this time of night."

Alec reluctantly settles back into position and keeps his eyes trained on the entrance that's flanked by a statue of Jesus and a statue of Mary. There's even a sphinx cat structure by the statue of Mary. Alec is so focused on the mausoleum that he jumps a little when Naji speaks up again.

"So, since we're waiting and all. What's the deal with you and Magnus?"

Alec gives him a withering look and Naji shrugs. 

"I mean, I don't know any details, but _I_ wouldn't stop my wedding for just anybody."

Alec sighs and adjusts his footing, looking at the grave as he says, "It was more than that. All that... commotion. It was beyond just us. And, later, when we had the chance to actually get to know each other, we realized we were from entirely different worlds. Guess we were caught up in it and then suddenly, we weren't. That's really it."

"Well, that's boring," Naji mumbles.

They’re quiet for the next few minutes and then, the girl who had entered is rushing out of the mausoleum while clutching her coat along her neck as if bracing against the cold, midnight air. Alec turns to Naji and nods. Once the girl is almost out of sight, they fall into step behind her. They end up following her out of the cemetery and into empty streets, her heels clicking loudly against the sidewalk. Suddenly, she seems to sense their pursuit and pauses in stride - turning ever so slightly to the side before making a run for it. 

Naji’s magic puts bright yellow cuffs on her ankles and she goes down with a shriek. By the time they reach her, she’s struggling to get on her back and her chest is rising and falling in stark panic. 

On a closer inspection, she seems about Alec’s age and her big, brown eyes are blown wide in terror. She’s begging for her life and then, her eyes seems to catch the rune on his neck and the terror increases tenfold. Before she has the chance to escape, Naji summons up a portal and Alec hauls her up into his arms before stepping through. 

The Institute is deserted when they arrive and Alec takes his time making sure the girl is securely constrained in a chair before he thinks about what to do next. After pacing a little, he concludes that perhaps it would be best if he woke up his fellow shadowhunters and also sent for Magnus. He goes knocking on Izzy, Jace, and Clary’s bedrooms, and asks his grumbling, squint-eyed sister to make the call to the warlock.

By the time Magnus arrives, everyone is wide-awake and the girl is refusing to talk. Naji has tentatively identified her as a mundane and apart from the terror in her eyes, she seems to be in no other physical distress. There is a strange crystal hanging from her neck and she flinches when Izzy makes an attempt to touch it. 

“Oh, dear, what do we have here?” Magnus mutters, his voice all sleep-gravelly despite how pristinely he’s put himself together - ornate, grey shirt tucked into checkered pants and covered with a sleek, burgundy coat that has strings of glittery jewels dangling from the shoulders. He’s a vision and he’s frowning. 

“We found her in the cemetery visiting a mausoleum and when we attempted to follow her out, she got… spooked,” Alec says with a shrug and Magnus is decidedly unimpressed by it. 

His tone is warm and patient as he hunches to get eye-level with the girl. 

“What’s your name?”

The girl looks everywhere else but finally locks her gaze with Magnus’, and her lips are quivering ever so slightly as she whispers, “Margaret.”

“My name is Magnus and I promise we’re not going to hurt you, okay?” Magnus whispers back and waits for Margaret to nod, “What were you doing so late at the cemetery, dear girl?”

Margaret’s tremble seems to reach its peak and she turns red in the face as she blurts out, “They have my sister! If they know I’m at the Institute, they’ll kill her! They’ll kill so many others. Please, you have to let me go!”

Everyone in the room is unsettled by her confession and Naji steps forward, resting a hand over her clenched fist. With a flare of yellow magic, Margaret transforms for the briefest second - her nails turning into claws, her ears elongating, her eyes glowing a startling shade of blue. 

“You’re a werewolf?” Naji questions.

With a defeated sigh, Margaret blinks away tears and says, “Half. That’s why you couldn’t see before.”

“Who do you mean by ‘they’?” Izzy asks. 

“The demons. Stheno’s little army. They’ve been making werewolves lure vampires into his traps. The mausoleum is one of the sites they ask us to come to when we have intel.”

The name rings a distant bell in Alec’s head, but he can’t quite place it. Naji, however, seems to pale and looks a bit sick as he takes a step back. Magnus looks similarly horrified. 

“Stheno is a greater demon,” Magnus begins quietly, “He hasn’t been seen in this realm since the 1800s and he’s known for being… well, bloodthirsty. Lilith and him have a long history, which explains why their energy maps were so similar. He isn’t as bad news as Lilith herself, but he isn’t good news either. He’s going to be a nightmare to summon and banish.”

“I’ll help,” Naji offers immediately and Magnus gives him a little smile. 

“We all will,” Jace says and he’s reinforced by Izzy and Clary’s nods. 

“Well, let’s not waste time, then,” Magnus says. He turns sympathetic eyes towards Margaret and frees her constraints. He gives her a hand to pull her up from her chair and he hushes her desperate pleading. Whatever he whispers to her, it eases the terror and doubt on her face just a little bit.

At the loft, Magnus draws a summoning circle as Alec further questions Margaret about what exactly Stheno has been doing in the city this whole time. Turns out, his little demon lackeys have been blackmailing werewolves for months now and have integrated themselves into various social scenes. The bar _is_ a recruiting site, but there are also many other bars, many other cemeteries, and many other hopeless, helpless werewolves just like Margaret. Stheno has some personal, centuries long vendetta against vampires and the rift - however small - had been enough for him to slip out. Margaret claims she’s never seen him in person, only the demons that work for him, and they kidnapped her baby sister and have held her hostage for the past week. She rushes to explain that she’s desperate, that she’d do anything for her sister, but Alec rests a hand on her shoulder and simply says, “I understand. We’ll get her back.”

He looks at Izzy and Jace standing over Magnus’ circle and thinks about how he’d have done the same for them. A hundred times over. 

With a pleased look at the circle, Magnus stands up and gets one of his books. 

“Naji, I want you to stand directly across from me and the rest of you can fill up the spaces between us,” Magnus informs and when Alec moves forward to the closest spot and ends up next to Naji, Magnus continues with a tight, “Hold hands.”

Once they’re all connected, Magnus drops the book and holds Jace and Clary’s hands. As he mutters some Chthonian phrases, the circle sparks an unsettling red that looks like molten lava bleeding into the floor. Alec is transfixed and his hands are clutching Naji and Margaret’s for dear life as a heatless flame fills the room for a moment. As it falls back into the ground like a curtain, a tall, thin man is left standing in its wake. 

He looks like his skin was an afterthought, stretched across his rather alarming features - pitch black eyes, sunken cheeks, and bloody lips. He’s pale and shockingly so against his all black suit that’s adorned with gold chains at odd places. He looks at ease as he surveys each person in the circle before his awful gaze lands on Magnus. 

“Ah,” he says dryly, a black tongue poking out to lick at the corner of his mouth, “This is mildly inconvenient.” 

Magnus doesn’t waste time starting the banishing spell, but he stops short when Stheno grins - the stretch of skin almost too big for his face - and says, “I wish I knew it’d be you in this city, little boy. I would have asked Asmodeus if he had any messages he’d like delivered. Pity.”

He makes a _tsk, tsk_ noise that echoes in a strange way in the loft, almost like it’s surrounding them and amplifying. 

Magnus’ eyes betray his fear, but his voice is as imposing as ever as he picks the banishing spell back up. Stheno rolls his eyes and with a flick of his wrist, everyone except Naji and Magnus fly out of the circle and land in groaning heaps around the room. Alec winces as he gets back up and his eyes meet Magnus’ from where he’d been tossed back against the wall. Stheno doesn’t miss the exchange and follows Magnus’ line of vision to give Alec a bone-chilling smile. 

“We mustn’t be this obvious,” Stheno chides playfully as he turns back to Magnus. He’s not even looking at Alec when his fingers curl into fists and it feels like the bones of them are instead curling into Alec’s organs. He’s breathless from the pain and his attempts at screaming are mute, little gasps of air. He thinks he’s going to die and he’s so sure of it, that he almost welcomes it for the tiniest of seconds. The only thing that has him snapping out of it is Magnus’ horrified, “Alexander!”

The last thing he sees before his world goes black is Magnus pushing both hands towards Stheno’s chest and instead of the usual, pretty blue, his magic is as red as the depths of hell. 

If Alec dreams, he doesn’t remember a second of it when he wakes up. With a groan, he tries to sit up in whatever bed he’s in and he’s only barely adjusting to the light when he hears, “Oh, thank god, Alec.”

His parabatai’s voice has him calming down instantly and he sighs as he falls back into soft pillows. Blinking rapidly until he can stand to keep his eyes open, Alec sees Jace perched in a seat next to the bed and it takes him a second to realise he’s in his own room. He glances down at his stomach and is almost shocked to find it in one piece. Someone’s put him in a loose, black shirt, and when he pats himself down, he doesn’t feel any bandages. 

The way he’d felt before he blacked out, he was sure Stheno had sliced his body into ribbons. 

“You’re okay,” Jace says, mostly to himself, “Magnus patched you up pretty quickly, but you wouldn’t wake up no matter what he did. Our bond felt… felt like nothing I want to feel. Not again.”

Alec huffs from the exertion as he gingerly adjusts his body to sit up further. His head is feeling clearer by the second, like a fog lifting. 

“How long have I been out?” he asks as he reaches for the glass of water on the side table and nearly chokes when Jace answers with, “Uh, two days.”

“What?” he sputters, “From a little demonic torture?”

Jace shakes his head and says, “After you passed out, Stheno didn’t stop. Whatever magic Magnus shot at him, it backfired and also knocked Naji out of the circle. Stheno went back to do _something_ to your body that had you jerking and then you started bleeding from your mouth. We all tried to do whatever we could, but it was Magnus who finally got back up and stopped him. It looked like it took everything in him to banish Stheno.”

Alec is relieved to hear that they did end up banishing Stheno but he voices his main concern immediately. 

“And, Magnus? Is he okay?”

The scrutiny of Jace’s eyes doesn’t deter him like it might have, months ago. His parabatai has a direct connection to his stupidly loud thoughts so it’d be useless to hide them anyway. 

“He’s fine. He’s here, actually. Let me get him.”

Alec doesn’t have the time or the energy to pretend he doesn’t want that as Jace rushes out. 

  
  


When Jace returns, it’s with both Magnus and Izzy. His sister’s eyes well up at the sight of him and she nearly jumps on him for a hug. He winces as she crushes him in her tiny arms, but he can’t help the grin he presses against her head. He kisses her there, softly, and only then, Izzy moves back so Magnus can move forward. 

“Mom was so worried, Alec,” Izzy says, “I’m going to let her know you’re awake.”

Jace follows her out with a mumbled, “I’ll get Clary.”

Alec’s stomach does that usual _swoop_ at the mention of his mother. He wonders if he’ll be in trouble for taking the case off-site in the middle of the night and to a warlock’s loft, no less. He’s surprised to find he doesn’t care. They caught a greater demon all by themselves with their own leads, and even the Clave can’t find a way to shit on that. 

The warlock’s smile is a tentative but warm one as he asks, “Do you mind if I look you over for any residual damage?”

Alec just nods and Magnus takes a seat, leaning over to press two cold fingers in the middle of his forehead. Whatever assessment he does, it’s over within seconds and he settles back in his seat with a relieved sigh. 

“As good as new,” he says and stands back up with all the intent of leaving. Maybe it’s the freshness of waking up or the rawness of almost dying, but Alec is especially bold as his hand snaps forward to close around Magnus’ wrist. 

“Can you stay?” he asks and he knows Magnus is too kind to do anything but. 

He brings his hand back to his lap as the warlock sits down and curls his own fingers absently where Alec’s had been moments before. 

“How can I help you, Alexander?”

“No, I just,” Alec swallows, flushing a little, “I just wanted to check if you’re okay. It must have exhausted you to banish him by yourself.”

“Well,” Magnus says with a reserved but bashful smile, “Naji helped. We honestly wouldn’t have even found out about Stheno without him.”

At the mention of the other warlock, Alec thinks to ask, “Where is he, by the way?”

“He was with Underhill last I saw him. I think they were filing some details of the case,” Magnus tells him and then when Alec doesn’t say anything else, he rushes to add, “He’s doing fine. He was just exhausted after the fight, but he’s been in and out of the Institute since. He was even joking about moving cities because Boston isn’t this much action apparently.”

At that, Alec snorts and says, “He’ll get sick of it in a week, I’m sure.”

Silence blankets over them after that, but it would almost be comfortable if Magnus’ rings weren’t clicking against each other as the warlock fidgets. 

“I’m sorry, am I keeping you? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Alec says, giving him a chance to leave and for once, Magnus doesn’t jump at it. 

“No, Alexander, there’s nowhere else I need to be,” Magnus says, his voice so terribly soft that it coils around Alec’s skin like a tangible, devastating weight. Alec wants to spend forever in it. He’s contemplating what exactly would happen if he pulled Magnus on top of him in the bed and kissed the life out of him when there’s a little knock on his open door. 

His mother looks incredibly uncomfortable in the doorway, but she stills steps inside once she has both their attention. 

“I apologise for interrupting,” she says and it’s the most respect he’s ever seen her show a downworlder. She takes it a step further as she clears her throat and says, “I wanted to thank you, actually, Magnus. I know what it took for you to keep my children alive.”

Magnus gets off his chair with grace and that air of otherworldly understanding, and generously cups her underarm before letting go.

“Of course, Maryse,” he says with a gentle smile, “It was my duty as the High Warlock.”

“No,” his mother says firmly, “It wasn’t.”

She pauses and her eyes settle on Alec. The open, blatant humanity in them is almost startling. She turns them back towards Magnus and inhales deeply before saying, “I’ve had my… prejudices in the past, Magnus, and I was wrong about every single one. I hope we can work towards a better understanding of one another.”

Alec isn’t sure Magnus fully comprehends the magnitude of Maryse’s words, but something about the encouraging way he’s looking at her tells him that maybe Magnus _does_. After all, Magnus was here months ago - bearing the heat of Maryse’s glare and the bite of her words, all for mere seconds of Alec’s attention. Alec wishes he’d been brave enough to bear it, too. 

“Thank you, Maryse,” Magnus says softly and then turns a smile to Alec, “I should head back.”

He nods at them both before leaving and his mother takes the vacated seat. She takes Alec’s hands in hers and no words are needed between them as they sit there for countless minutes - basking in the newfound levity around them. 

Jace, ever the alcoholic, suggests they go out to celebrate ‘Alec’s Dramatic Return to Life’ and of course, Magnus is invited. Things have been awkward between them since they shared that little talk in his bedroom, but it’s been the good kind of awkward. The schoolboy crush kind of awkward. It doesn’t help that Magnus is wearing very tight jeans that he’s stuffed a turtleneck into. The black fabric looks so soft and fits over his wide shoulders as well as it fits over his tapered waist. Alec wants to bury his face in it. 

Twenty minutes in, Izzy starts animatedly telling a story about how Magnus had launched Raj into a wall for interrupting his healing of Alec and he’s completely endeared to find that warlocks do indeed blush. 

Since Maryse’s epiphany of downworlders, Alec has had a sprout of an idea in his head that he’s been mulling over and he discusses it with Jace first. With the success of their previous mission, it’s become increasingly obvious that shadowhunters’ and downworlders’ cooperation with each other is incredibly beneficial. He teases the thought of such collaboration at a larger scale, with all the leaders present - discussing the safety of New York and exchanging valuable information. 

Jace loves the idea and it gives Alec the drive to pitch it to the rest of his family and eventually, Raphael, Luke, and Meliorn. He approaches Magnus last by unceremoniously showing up to his loft. 

His knock on the loft’s wooden doors is loud and hesitant, but nonetheless, the doors open with a soft, little click. Magnus frowns at him and opens the door wider, letting Alec step through. 

“Is everything okay?” he asks when all Alec does is kind of shake his arm and look around. 

“Yes, yeah,” Alec says, clearing his throat, “Uh, I just had something I wanted to discuss with you.” 

Magnus frowns a little and absently touches his earring cuff, moving deeper into the house. He conjures up a martini seemingly out of the air and offers it to Alec, who shakes his head. At that, Magnus simply shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip himself. His eyes are rimmed with black as usual but Alec swears there’s a hint of gold there, too. 

“Don’t keep me in suspense,” Magnus says with a patient smile to contrast his words. 

Alec folds his hands neatly behind him and squares his shoulders, mentally stepping into his Head position and feeling consequential confidence envelop him. 

“Since Stheno, I’ve been thinking,” Alec begins, not dwelling on Magnus’ wince at the greater demon’s mention, “I think there needs to be a more open exchange to strengths and information between the downworld and the Institute. We all have a common enemy and Stheno proved that, and we work well together and Stheno’s banishment proved _that_. I want to propose meetings between all the leaders in New York to discuss any and all matters. Total transparency.” 

Magnus raises his eyebrows and sets his martini down. 

“That’s quite a bold proposition, Alexander,” he says, but a smile is already creeping on his face, “I would be very supportive of such meetings.”

That gives him even more confidence and he’s brimming with it as he says, “It’ll be my first political move as the new Head and I hope it’ll help the Institute gain some trust from the downworld.”

“I hope so, too,” Magnus says, “Have you spoken to Lucian or anyone else about this?”

“I’ve talked to most of the leaders, already,” Alec admits, “I came to you last. I wanted to come when it was actually a plausible reality.” 

“I see,” Magnus says softly. There’s considerable space between them, but in that moment, Alec feels like he’s been yanked closer, like the air around them is going to put Magnus right in his arms somehow. It’s dizzying and Alec shakes his head a little to snap out of it. 

“I was also thinking about inviting Naji,” he says, “His intel was so vital to catching Stheno and he’s always traveling, anyway, so I figured it’d be easy enough for him to portal in for meetings.”

Just like that, Magnus is breaking their poignant eye-contact to search for his martini and pick it back up. He takes a sip before saying, “Of course. I’m sure it’ll only help.”

“Warlocks are an integral part of the downworld and seem to be a focal point for all downworlders wherever they’re stationed,” Alec further adds and he takes in a deep breath, “You’re free to invite anyone. From any city.”

As Magnus becomes thoughtful, Alec almost blurts out ‘except Chicago’, but his phone buzzing saves him from that embarrassment. He fishes it out of his pocket and sees Izzy’s name blinking back at him. 

“I should be heading out,” Alec says, already stepping back to do just that, “I’ll contact you with any further details.”

Unreadable eyes almost make Alec trip over his feet as he goes.

Turns out, Magnus extended the invite to Julian, after all, since the warlock shows up to the Institute to thank Alec for his efforts in person. He’s as handsome as ever, and Izzy flirts with him shamelessly for the entire half an hour he’s there. Alec begins to feel the tiniest little twinge of regret that is forgotten easily as he thinks about the prospects of the meetings.

In the interest of making the leaders feel comfortable, they decide to meet up in Magnus’ loft for the first one. Most of them have been in the space before and no one has bad blood with the warlock. It makes sense until Alec realizes he just invited Julian to Magnus’ loft. Maybe in the future, he’ll offer to be the usher at their wedding, too.

A sharp elbow to his stomach has Alec dropping his scowl to try and look interested in whatever Jace is saying. He keeps his arms crossed and pointedly ignores Izzy’s stare. 

Undeterred, Izzy follows him after they’re dismissed and pulls him towards her once they’re in a relatively empty hallway. Her eyes are shining with mischief as she says, “So, I heard about tomorrow’s meeting.”

When Alec simply stares down at her, she huffs and says, “Fine, you don’t have to fill me in on every detail after, _but_ you are not going to go there in your usual emo outfit. I can’t stand the burden of being the only attractive Lightwood.”

She sticks her tongue out and ducks Alec’s attempt at a headlock. She skips away and shouts, “I’ll put something together and lay it out with very clear instructions on your bed. You’re welcome!” as she goes. 

He fingers his shirt absently and feels petty even inside his own head as he thinks black is _classy_ not _emo_. 

  
  


The day of the first meeting, it’s storming and when Alec arrives at Magnus’ place, he’s not only early, he’s also drenched. His hair is a curly, wet mess and it stays stuck on his forehead no matter how much he shakes his head. The outfit Izzy put together for him is clinging to Alec even more than it was when it was dry - tight, black jeans starting to feel like prisons and an already threadbare, gray top doing nothing to hide how his nipples are reacting to the cold. When Magnus opens the door, Alec is mid-sneeze and Magnus’ eyes widen immediately in concern. He ushers Alec in and makes him stand in his living room as he goes into the kitchen. He returns with a steaming cup of tea that he sets on the table before waving his fingers and letting warm, blue magic wash over Alec. Seconds later, he’s perfectly dry, but still chilled to the bone. When Magnus points at the tea and says, “Drink up,” he doesn’t hesitate. 

The minty, flowery taste of it is pleasant enough but Alec wonders if it’s also laced with magic because it seems to heat him up instantly. Or, maybe he’s just biased and everything Magnus does feels like a spell. 

As he sips at the tea, he takes a moment to look around the rearranged living room. The sofas are gone and in place of them is a round, grand table with big, cushioned seats. It screams Magnus in all its velvety, burgundy, lavish glory. When Magnus catches him looking, he looks uncharacteristically sheepish and says, “I figured we should still keep it professional even if it is in my house.”

Alec nods understandingly and throws back the last of the tea, a pleased sigh leaving his mouth before he can help it. Magnus’ smiles at the sound and with a little snap of his fingers, the cup is refilled to the brim. Alec mumbles his thanks against the lip of the cup and hope it also hides his blush. 

There’s a strange, heavy moment. Alec drinking the tea but looking at Magnus who, for the first time in a long time, is staring back with unabashed affection and something like heat in his eyes as they flicker down Alec’s body. They both jump when there’s a knock on the door and just like that, Magnus is slipping back into High Warlock mode and holding a finger up to Alec before moving towards the door. He opens it to reveal Luke Garroway, whose expression goes from stoic to beaming at the sight of Magnus. They hug and Magnus points him towards Alec. He’s holding his now empty cup of tea to his chest, fingers tapping against it absently. Luke gives him a tight but fairly friendly smile. They’ve always had an understanding with each other and Luke has always been one of the few to see past the Lightwood name, his little mask, and see the boy inside.

Magnus offers Luke a drink and the alpha raises his eyebrows as he slowly declines as if trying to see whether or not Magnus is joking. Luke moves towards Alec and they shake hands.

“I really hope these meetings will bring about the changes you desire, Alec. I’m sure you know there have been similar attempts in the past,” Luke says.

“I completely understand your reservations, but I assure you, I’ll be trying my best on the behalf of the Institute to create open communication between all of us.”

Luke seems appeased by that and Alec feels a familiar sense of pride. When Jace had given the Head of the Institute position to him, it had felt like slipping into the perfect pair of shoes - like it was made for him. If there’s ever a moment Alec is completely in his element, it’s with his bow and quiver in his hands and the safety of New York’s shadowhunters on his shoulders. The weight of that burden feels as second nature as his bow strap. And, in that element, he and Luke have almost always been on the same page. 

In the next few minutes, Raphael, Naji, Meliorn, and Julian show up. Magnus seats everyone at the table and conjures personalized coffees and teas in front of each leader. The meeting proceeds to be incredibly insightful and Magnus provides vocal confirmation of everything Alec puts forward. Perhaps too zealously since it earns a derisive comment from Raphael, but the vampire is easily subdued by one look from Magnus. Once they wrap up, Magnus starts mixing himself a martini and Raphael joins him there, hands behind his back as he watches Magnus talk animatedly. 

Alec startles as Naji appears by his side with a secret smile that Alec is certain he doesn’t want to inquire about. 

“It was very delightful seeing you in all your ‘Head of the Institute’ glory,” Naji says, “Made you seem years older than you actually are. I admit I was a little curious of you’d hold up outside the Institute.”

Alec rolls his eyes but there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips as he says, “Well, thank you for the vote of confidence.”

“This could be groundbreaking, you know. This level of communication. Downworlders have had a long history of being undervalued and persecuted by the Clave. And, I guess a long history of fighting amongst themselves. It’s nice to see so many different species represented here. We warlocks tend to look after all kinds, but it’s always hard making them get along.”

Alec’s eyes go back to Magnus as he says, “I know. I’ve seen a fair share of strays find a sense of belonging with many of the leaders here.”

“I’ve heard that Magnus is somewhat of a downworlder adoption middleman,” Naji says.

“He’s more than that,” Alec finds himself admitting, “Everyone just naturally gravitates towards him, I think. Raphael himself was a lost soul Magnus took in. He helps people become better versions of themselves, not just find homes.”

“I suppose ‘middleman’ is truly too light a term for that,” Naji concedes good-naturedly, “I’ve always admired him because of his power. It’s nice to know he’s much more than just magic.”

“He is,” Alec says, smiling absently as Magnus laughs at something Raphael said - quietly but with unfiltered joy coloring his features. 

Naji hums at that and they stand there comfortably for a moment before Naji lets out a soft whistle.

“Oh my,” he says, “You're in love with him, aren’t you?”

Alarmed, Alec turns wide eyes on the warlock and nearly laughs. 

“Love?” he sputters, a cold sweat breaking on his forehead, and he glances at Magnus quickly to make sure he isn’t listening, “No. God, _no_.”

Instead of deterring Naji, this only serves to make him frown - his dimples deepening with the downward turn of his lips. 

“How dreadful,” he whispers, almost to himself, “You didn’t even know.”

A panic is creeping up Alec’s chest and he isn’t even sure why.

“Know _what_?”

“Mr. Lightwood!”

Tearing his eyes away from Naji, Alec finds warm hands reaching forward to grab his decidedly clammy ones and shining green eyes are nearly disappearing with the width of Julian’s grin. Giving his hands a squeeze, Julian lets them drop and says, “I can’t thank you enough for inviting me here. I’ve seen nothing of this sort in my two hundred years and I certainly didn’t expect to see it in my next two hundred.”

Alec’s lips feel dry when he smiles tightly and accepts the praise as gracefully as he can manage. The volume of it seems to attract the others and they join in to commend his efforts. Even Raphael shrugs and grumbles something somewhat nice, rolling his eyes when he catches Magnus smiling at him. 

Naji breaks up the group and pulls Luke aside to discuss possible, future introductions with the Boston pack, and Raphael zeroes in on Julian. It leaves Alec on one end of the room looking past everyone’s heads to the other side where Magnus stands. 

He has his hands in front of him, fingers playing with his rings, and when he catches Alec looking, he smiles. There’s pride in his eyes that Alec selfishly drinks up, imagines it’s all for him. He wants to stay in the warmth of brown eyes forever. He wants to find a potion that’ll freeze him right here, exactly as he is. As he exists steps away from Magnus and even though he cannot touch him, cannot kiss him, no one will dare stand in the way of looking at him. Endlessly. 

_Oh, shit,_ he thinks and his realization comes with much less grace than Naji’s.

He’s in love with Magnus Bane. Foolishly and so, so completely. 

  
  


His mind won’t shut up after that. It’s like he’s opened some door he’d stubbornly been standing in front of for the last few months, and his collective consciousness was going to punish him for it. It doesn’t help that the tentative meetings have blossomed into scheduled, weekly ones held at different locations. It doesn’t help that Magnus shows up at each one looking like he wants to punish Alec, too.

There’s now a running dialogue in Alec’s head that sounds unfamiliar to him and is somehow louder than the usual voice whose sole purpose is reminding Alec he isn’t good enough.

“Maybe if you mediated the meetings,” Alec suggests one day when they’re talking about werewolf and vampire animosity, and Magnus hums in thought. _Red looks so, so good on you. You should wear it all the time._

“I suppose I could,” Magnus says and looks to Luke and Raphael for further affirmation. _But, just for me. You in red silk standing in your balcony against the sunset as if complimenting the universe itself._

“I’ll be speaking to my pack but they have a decent relationship with you already, so I’m hoping they’ll be open to the idea,” Luke muses. 

_The way you use your hands to talk as if even that’s magic. Black nails and silver rings and how beautiful it all looks when you thumb the corner of your red, red lips._

“Perfect,” Magnus concludes with a nod at both Luke and Raphael before turning to smile at Alec, “Good idea, Mr. Lightwood.”

Raphael snorts at that, but Magnus ignores it to keep his eyes on Alec as he begins to wrap the meeting up. 

_Soft, red powder lining the bottom of your eyes, making them look bigger than normal and just a shade more dangerous._

“Thank you for the great meeting, gentlemen,” Alec says, getting up, “Until next time.”

Magnus is one of the last to leave, hovering before he sticks his hand out to Alec. Surprised, but pleasantly so, Alec smiles and shakes it. The electric feeling of skin against skin is only seconds long and Magnus is already moving away to put a respectable distance between them. Regardless, Alec’s hand won’t stop tingling.

“See you next week,” Magnus says softly, eyes crinkling at the edges with his smile. 

_I love you._

Alec smiles back, lips pressed together to keep from grinning or saying something damnable.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

  
  


Alec’s eyes feel dry and itchy, and he grows increasingly frustrated with his inability to touch them as time passes. He has big, constricting goggles on and his hands are covered in latex and ink stains. Izzy abandoned him an hour ago to run off with Jace, Clary, and Simon. To add insult to injury, she’s already figured out the cause of death but he’s been told he can’t leave until he’s also figured it out. When he logically pointed out that forensics isn’t his strong suit, she told him the Head should be good at _everything_. So, he’s left with two metal buckets of samples, endless blood smears, and bottles of Wright-Giemsa stain. He’d examined the body where the samples came from earlier and he swears he still smells like formaldehyde.

He’s been chasing a vague hypothesis of poison when a familiar, flowery scent finally takes his mind off of a dead, preserved body. 

Naji is wrinkling his nose at the mess in front of Alec, but grins nonetheless as he comes to a stop next to him. There’s a bounce to his steps that Alec is immediately wary of.

“A _scientist_ , too?” Naji says, batting his lashes, “You’re truly a wonder, Lightwood.”

He pretends to swoon and falls against Alec’s shoulder. When Alec rolls his eyes and uses the momentum to shove him right back, he goes with a laugh. 

“Shut up,” Alec grumbles and when Naji coos at him - coming to pinch his cheeks - Alec can only use his elbows to keep him at bay. He’s tempted to swipe ink-stained, gloved hands down Naji’s white, white shirt. His intentions must show because Naji puts his hands up in surrender and moves away. 

“Fine,” Naji says with exaggerated generosity, “I’ll let you be. For now.”

He moves around the table and perches up on a stool, resting his elbows on the table and putting his chin in his hands. 

“What do you want?” Alec asks absently as he begins preparing what feels like is his five hundredth blood smear of the day. 

“Nothing at all except maybe you can hang out with me,” Naji says and breaks into pathetic, puppy eyes when Alec simply stares at him, “Come on. I have no friends in New York and I have to keep coming to these meetings for _your_ benefit. The least you can do is keep me company in this frankly horrifying state.” 

“I can’t leave until I figure out the cause of death,” Alec tells him, waving at the obviously harrowing task in front of him. 

“That’s it?” Naji rolls his eyes and closes them as he waves a hand over the samples, “Poison.”

Alec restrains the urge to shout ‘I knew it’ at the warlock and just stands there, thinking about how much time he wasted all because he’s genuinely afraid of his little sister’s wrath. He looks up from the table and sees Naji’s puppy eyes widen comically. With a sigh, he starts taking off his gloves and thinks there’s something demonic about the way Naji’s expression goes from pleading to pure evil in two seconds flat. 

  
  


Naji drags him to a coffee shop and orders them ten different slices of cake to go with the lattes. Alec feels out of his element and sits stiffly on the mismatched chairs. There’s a strange Victorian ambience to the cafe and there’s soft, jazz playing over the speakers that Naji is tapping his foot along to. 

He’s already asked Alec a million questions about growing up in the Institute, about his parabatai bond, about his parents, even about Lydia, and it still feels like he’s dancing around what he _actually_ wants to know. 

There’s a momentary lull in conversation. Naji licks his bottom lip and slips his tongue between his teeth as if physically having to keep it still. 

Alec sets his cup of coffee down and tilts his head, giving Naji a look.

“I just don’t understand why exactly you and Magnus called it quits. It was just _one_ date. All that build-up and then… poof. Seems anticlimactic,” Naji says carefully though his eyes are shining with unrepentant inquisition. 

Alec sighs. 

“I’ve had a conversation about immortality with Magnus before. Like, way before. When this nightmare of a vampire showed up from his past. I saw it even then that Magnus had lived all these centuries loving and losing people, over and over again. When he told me his number, it only added to what I already assumed. Though,” he laughs shortly, “it added a lot more than I anticipated. Either way, it just felt like an awful thing to do - let someone invest their feelings in you and you live a full life and you die. And, they’re just supposed to, what? Move on? In the moment, that felt too claustrophobic. Too hard.”

“And, now?” Naji prompts.

“Now,” Alec begins with a sharp inhale that he holds in until his chest hurts and he has to slowly breathe out, “Now, I wish I turned back around and kissed that resigned look right off his face.”

Naji grins at that, smacking the table and nearly causing both their coffee to spill over from the rattle. 

“Then, do it!”

Alec shakes his head, mumbling, “It’s too late. We’re both where we’re supposed to be. I’ll live and I’ll die and maybe he’ll remember me once in a while in his next four, five hundred years. And, that’s enough. Magnus shouldn’t have to watch me grow old.”

“What if he wants to? You don’t even know how he feels. He spent all that time being so sure about you no matter what you said. Do you think he just gave up after that? Moved on?”

“I hope he did,” Alec says, tone a little harsh from how bare and raw he feels, “I hope he realized I wasn’t worth the heartache and I hope he finds someone he can spend forever with.”

“Or, maybe, you should have believed him when he told you exactly what he wants,” Naji says, finger jabbing him right over his heart, “You.”

“There’s going to be a thousand me’s over his lifetime,” Alec says dismissively. 

“Unfortunately for him, he seems to only want the one.”

Irritated, Alec lowers his voice and says, “For now. Trust me, time heals everything.”

“You’re in love with him, Lightwood. For Nephilim, that’s pretty much a life sentence. How’s that going to heal?”

Alec rolls his eyes and for once, doesn’t deny it as he takes a sip of coffee. He sets down a now empty cup and smacks his lips before flashing the warlock a tight smile with a tighter, “I’ll manage.”

Naji looks pissed but seems to bite back whatever he wants to say, choosing instead to just shake his head at Alec. 

Hours after, when Alec is in his room, he dares to entertain the idea of Magnus still wanting him - as boldly and as openly and as wholly as he had all those months ago. He imagines that Magnus has also felt the growing connection between them, the increasing understanding of one another. He imagines that it’s somehow enough and Magnus will ask him again, one last time, for a date. A second chance. And, he won’t talk himself out of it this time around. He’ll plant his feet into the ground and if they’re different, they’ll be different in such a devastatingly beautiful way that it changes the world. 

_Do you think he just gave up after that? Moved on?_

It certainly didn’t sound like Magnus. It had always been Alec running away, always so terrified of the brand new butterflies the warlock gave him. And, it had always been Magnus standing firm in his convictions. So sure that Alec liked him back when Alec didn’t even know it himself. They only had that first date because Magnus had seen him wallowing in self-pity and had tricked him into coming to the loft with that fire message. Always Magnus making the effort, always forgiving when Alec was rough or distant or did something recklessly self-sacrificing.

Even that night, it had been Alec who walked away.

What would happen if Alec, for the first time in his life, went after something he wants without any regard for the Institute or his parents or tradition? Would he get to once again kiss the man he loves or would he burst into flames like he always imagined?

  
  


Today, they’re meeting at a werewolf bar after hours. It’s just Alec’s luck that Naji can’t come, (apparently, Boston needs him, but Alec is starting to suspect he was sick of being the only one burdened with Alec’s epiphany and subsequent whining), but Julian can (apparently, nothing ever goes wrong in Chicago). It’s just his luck that Magnus is wearing a cozy, green Henley tucked into dark jeans and clunky boots that still don’t make him as tall as Alec but do give his steps a cute little click. His sleeves are rolled up and the veins on his powerful arms look like they’re mocking Alec. 

It’s just his luck that Julian and Magnus come into the bar together with Julian making some joke about their portal being stuck in traffic and shattering any illusions Alec might have had about them not interacting outside of these meetings. 

Alec starts the meeting abruptly, making a remark on Naji’s absence that spurs some questions from Luke about when they can expect him again. 

“He’ll be here for the next meeting. He asked we continue as usual in his absence but that he’d be contacting you directly as early as tomorrow,” Alec says and Luke nods his thanks. 

“Is something the matter, Lucian?” Magnus asks and the alpha shakes his head.

“Not at all. It’s about the Boston pack. I’ve asked Naji to help me create ties with them.”

“Ah, I see,” Magnus says and gestures towards Julian, “I’m sure the Chicago pack could benefit from the alliance as well.”

“About that,” Alec interjects, “Naji wanted to secure Boston and New York ties, and see if it worked. After that, he’s hoping that the alphas themselves will be encouraged to start communication. He was going to ask Julian to simply warm the werewolves up to the idea for the time being.”

As Luke begins of fill Julian in on some of the work already in place, Alec is left to try and decipher the strange look in Magnus’ eyes that only clears up when Raphael nudges him with his elbow. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s done wrong, but for the rest of the meeting, Magnus is quiet and somewhat distracted. Julian ends up leaving early in a rush with Raphael also mentioning an appointment he has. Luke walks them out of the bar before going back inside to close it. Meliorn makes a whimsical comment about the time and seems to quite literally disappear into the shadows once they’re outside. Which leaves Alec and Magnus on the street with the wind biting at their skin and silence falling heavily between them. 

Deciding to speak up before he can chicken out, Alec asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course,” Magnus responds almost too quickly before sighing and hugging himself a little tighter. His eyes are evasive and downcast as he mumbles, “I didn’t know about the alliance. I guess it threw me off.”

Then, he looks up at Alec and his words become a bit more vicious.

“I thought the whole point of the meetings was transparency but I guess only for you. I didn’t know there were side meetings and side conversations that not everyone is privy to. Just feels like a bit of an oversight to not tell the High Warlock of Brooklyn something all of Boston knows,” he says and he would seem almost bored if it wasn’t for the fire in his eyes.

Alec is baffled and he sounds very unsure even to himself as he says, “Magnus... I had no idea you’d see it like this, I... I’m sorry, you’re right. That should have been an open topic, but Naji didn’t mean to make it seem confidential. I think he just felt-”

“Oh and you’d know what he meant?” Magnus bites out, “Does he share his every thought with you along with all his little ideas?”

He’s never seen Magnus this worked up, not even when he’d acted stupid about wanting to track his parabatai rune and kill himself doing it. His eyes look pitch black and are reflecting the streetlights like stars in a sky. Alec’s throat feels dry and his mouth feels useless, but his heart has no problem clenching at how beautiful Magnus is - brimming with perfectly controlled power and a whirlwind of emotion that Alec always seems to inspire in him. 

“Magnus,” he says softly, mostly to buy him time as he racks his brain for any way to fix this, “I understand why you’re angry, but believe me, I had no intention of keeping anything from you. I promise I’ll keep my communication with Naji transparent. No decisions about any matters will be made without full disclosure.”

At that, Magnus deflates but the anger stays. He looks frustrated, like he’s swallowing a million things he wants to say. His voice is heavy with emotion as he says, “No, I’m sorry,” and some of the residual fight in him begins to melt away, “I overreacted. I’m not entitled to Lucian’s affairs and if Naji,” there’s a pause here to punctuate the edge to his voice, “feels more comfortable sharing things with you personally, then I’m no one to interfere.”

Alec doesn’t understand the bitterness behind his words. 

“You are someone, Magnus, and I’m going to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” he promises firmly and he doesn’t understand the sadness in Magnus’ eyes either. And then, Magnus is smiling again and he’s a simple enough man to be distracted by it. 

“Please don’t,” he says with a short, self-depreciative laugh, “With Valentine out there, it’s more important than ever that we stay protective of one another and I feel so ridiculous I even brought this up. It just felt weird that you and Lucian were in contact with Naji outside of the meetings. I guess I didn’t think you had developed an equation independent of the council. Which is, like I said, ridiculous to not think about when I, myself, have personal contact with most of them.”

The wind whistles around them and Alec involuntarily shivers.

“Oh, Alexander, look at me holding you up in the middle of the night,” he says, “I hope we can put this behind us and you won’t let it affect the way you’re handling the meetings.”

“Of course,” Alec promises just to soothe that frown.

Magnus pulls up a portal for him and the goodbyes they share still carry the sting of their argument. The last thing Alec sees as he steps through the portal is a centuries old sadness in Magnus’ eyes and he can’t shake it, can’t quite sleep after seeing it. 

  
  


Alec misses the next meeting and he overcompensates with the apologies he sends just to make sure Magnus doesn’t think he did it on purpose. Imogen had sent messages early in the morning for an emergency meeting and dread has since settled heavily in the pit of Alec’s stomach. He’s always felt Imogen’s barely disguised disdain towards him and since Jace gave up the position she so readily offered him, she’s grown ever more frigid. As she addresses them, she pointedly doesn’t give him the respect he’s due as Head of the Institute. She informs them about rogue attacks on shadowhunters and about bodies found with runes carved out.

He’s mostly trying to mask his irritation at her presence but is brought abruptly back to reality as she matter-of-factly begins to speak about chip implants on all downworlders.

“Excuse me?” Alec barks out, “That’s absolutely disgusting. We’re not rounding up innocent people and _branding_ them.”

“Mr. Lightwood, I assure you I wasn’t asking for your permission,” she says stiffly.

“With all due respect, Madame Inquisitor, this is _my_ Institute and my jurisdiction. You’re not putting chips in anyone under my watch,” he says, finding comfort with the way Jace is standing behind him with his arms crossed and glaring daggers at Imogen. 

“Then, you can easily be removed from said watch,” Imogen threatens. 

Alec nearly goes for her neck but Izzy is stepping in front of him. 

“We’ve been working on building a better relationship with downworlders. Do you know how far back this would set us?” she says but Imogen’s eyes are still on Alec. 

“Yes, I’ve heard about your Head meeting up with downworlders in alleys,” she says derisively, “Tell me, Mr. Lightwood, how much faith would you put in Magnus Bane?”

Alec is throw off by the direct mention of him, but his answer is on his lips like lightening, “Boundless.”

“Then, I’m sure you’d have no trouble asking him to clear his name from these recent attacks. If you’re not willing to chip them, you should feel comfortable staking your reputation on their innocence.”

He can’t even begin to entertain the ridiculous notion of Magnus hurting someone, let alone innocent shadowhunters. In his rage and his disgust, he vows to do exactly that. He wants to knock Imogen off her self-constructed pedestal, wants to make her face her own ignorance in all its ugliness. 

“If that’s what it takes, then I have no problem giving him a visit.”

“Yes, it’ll be nice to know you’re not letting your personal relations get in the way of your duty.”

Alec simply stares back until Imogen moves on with the rest of her hateful rhetoric. 

  
  


He takes his time walking to Magnus’ loft. He’s worried Imogen will go ahead with the chips regardless of his protests and he wonders if he should warn everyone at the next meeting. He and Magnus are already at odds as it is, and he can’t afford yet another piece of information he’s unwittingly withholding from the warlock. He stands at Magnus’ door for a full minute before he summons the courage to knock and his hands hovers there when the doors swing open with a flicker of magic. 

Magnus is sitting in the living room looking like he’s in the middle of a potion, a mortar in one hand and the other hand fishing around inside a labeled jar. Alec squints to read ‘pixie feathers’ in Magnus’ elegant, black script and is momentarily distracted by the hiss that emanates from the mortar once Magnus drops a pink little piece of fuzz into it. 

“Alexander,” Magnus greets, voice betraying none of the awkwardness his hands do as they fidget around the mortar, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” he says and then before he can lose his will, blurts out, “I need a strand of your hair.”

Magnus frowns and asks, “Whatever for?”

“There have been a string of attacks on shadowhunters in this last week. That’s actually why I couldn’t come to yesterday’s meeting. We were only just notified of it and we need to just clear everyone’s names so no one is mistakenly implicated.”

“So,” Magnus begins carefully, setting the mortar down and standing up, “You need a strand of my hair to prove that I didn’t go around attacking random shadowhunters?”

“Clave orders. Just a formality,” Alec rushes to explain, but anger blossoms across Magnus’ features - reminiscent of their talk outside the werewolf bar.

“ _So_ ,” Magnus continues, “Like always, you’re running around like the Clave’s errand boy.”

The insult stings and it makes Alec defensive. He thought he’d proven himself better than that over these past months but it seemed like there was nothing he could do that would make Magnus truly forget the sullen boy he’d first met. 

“It’s just a strand of hair, Magnus,” he says firmly, “It’ll easily clear your name and the Clave won’t be able to bother you about it.”

“It’s _about_ the implications. It’s about treating every downworlder like a criminal until they can prove otherwise. Meanwhile, the Clave couldn’t properly punish someone like Valentine.”

“Don’t make this about Valentine,” Alec warns, “We all want to find him, but this has nothing to do with it.”

“No,” Magnus says with an eye roll, “Clave orders are always the only priority. It’s nice to see how loyal the Head of the New York Institute is. I guess your sweet little speeches of transparency didn’t exactly include _you_. Pretty words that meant nothing because you haven’t changed at all.”

“Magnus,” Alec says with a frown, “I had no idea about any of this until yesterday. If a strand of hair will save you from the Clave’s inquisition, then I’m not going to hesitate to get it.”

“If you were so sure of my innocence, you wouldn’t feel the need to prove it to the Clave. If you truly were doing this for my benefit, you would know it wouldn’t be worth the pain it would cause me,” Magnus whispers, voice breaking only briefly before it goes steady with resignation, “To stand here like this, with you asking me this, as if nothing at all has transpired between us. As if I’m just another downworlder you had to visit on Clave orders. As if I never gained your trust and as if I haven’t paid my dues time and time again saving you and your friends and countless shadowhunters.”

“I’m aware of everything you’ve done and we’re forever in your debt, but I assure you this isn’t personal,” Alec says, feeling restless and helpless as he pleads, “Magnus, please. Please, you know I have to do this.”

Magnus lets out a bitter, humorless laugh and shakes his head, looking at Alec like he’s a stranger.

“Now you show your true colors. I was the foolish one to assume you had more faith in me,” Magnus says, every word a skillfully aimed arrow to his chest. He keeps his eyes on Alec, lets all the hurt shine through, as he plucks out a strand of his hair and holds it out. Alec swallows painfully against the lump in his throat and fishes out a little packet for Magnus to gracefully, pointedly drop the hair into. 

When he opens his mouth to thank him, Magnus snaps his fingers and the doors swing open behind him.

“Get out.”

Alec can see the way Magnus is shutting down completely and he can’t believe he’s still causing Magnus so much pain - week after week as if it’s a compulsion. It seems like half their interactions lately have been riddled with conflict and Alec’s stupid mouth seems hell bent on making it worse. 

Defeated, he leaves.

  
  


When Alec returns to the Institute, he finds that Clary had stirred up a storm about the chips and he finds his parabatai has a blossoming bruise on his face. Assuming it came from Clary, he turns a frown on her only for Jace to shake his head and mutter, “Maia.”

Swallowing the inappropriate giggle that threatens to spill out, Alec clears his throat and gathers his team up. He still has Magnus’ hair in his back pocket and he feels shame heat up his face every time he thinks about it. 

He can’t believe he let Imogen goad him into dehumanizing Magnus.

Izzy and Clary look horrified when he puts the packet on the table in front of them, the label informing them of the contents. Jace is quick to defend him and tells them about his altercation with the werewolves earlier. They all decide to stand together against Imogen to protect any other downworlders facing a similar forced chipping. Clary mentions something about Simon, and then her and Jace are leaving. Izzy uses their moment alone to step closer and place a hand on his shoulder. 

“Go to Magnus,” she urges softly, “If you explain yourself, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“That’s the thing,” Alec mumbles, “I know he will.”

 _But, he shouldn’t have to_ , is unsaid but understood as Izzy tucks herself under his arm and hugs him. He lets himself bask in the comfort before heading out to face an inevitable, frosty reception at a certain warlock’s loft.

  
  


The door opens as it had yesterday - with magic.

Magnus is ever patient as he stands at his balcony, hearing Alec shut the door and makes his way over to him. Even when Alec is right besides him, curling a hand over the stone of the railing and looking at him completely, Magnus is patient and does not spare him a glance. But, he’s not cruel even in anger, and when Alec blurts out, “Magnus, I’m sorry,” he sighs and finally turns to look at him. 

“For what?” he asks and he sounds so utterly _disheartened_ that it adds considerable weight to the already awful burden on Alec’s heart. 

“Everything,” he says. _Even the part where I walked away all those months ago as if you weren’t worth fighting for_ , he thinks. “You never have to prove your innocence to me and you certainly don’t owe the Clave anything. I didn’t realize I was falling into old patterns and I,” he licks his lips and looks down at his feet, “I know this doesn’t make up for it, but the more I listened to Imogen, the more I realized I was just like her. No matter how our opinions differ. In the moment I asked for your DNA, I was her. It disgusted me to even think that I- god, I’m. I’m just sorry, Magnus. I’m so sorry.”

Magnus’ eyes are big and glistening with tears that Alec doesn’t deserve. He knows he’ll be accepted back with an open mind and a clean heart, and he doesn’t deserve any of it. But, stubbornly, he doesn’t move away when Magnus puts his hand over Alec’s on the railing. 

“You’re forgiven,” is offered as sincerely as anything else Magnus does. Alec lets himself enjoy the feeling of Magnus’ hand over his for only a few seconds and then, he slides it across the railing as he turns his body towards the city before him. 

“There are countless downworlders down there that Imogen wants to out a chip on,” Alec says, “And, at the meetings, I’m stuck between two worlds looking spineless and untrustworthy, and I know that. I know what I must look like.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says and the softness of it feels like absolute elixir, “This was never going to be easy and as much as we want change, we also understand it comes with time and it comes at a price. I won’t speak for the rest of our council, but I’ve never believed in a shadowhunter more than I believe in you.”

Naji’s words echo in his head - _he spent all that time being so sure about you no matter what you said._

The sentiment washes over Alec pleasantly, but he can’t help and tease with, “Seeing as you’re famously untrusting of shadowhunters, I’ll take that with a grain of salt.”

Even as Magnus rolls his eyes and mutters, “Oh, shut up,” there’s a glow on his face and Alec finds the entire skyline of the city dims against it. 

_You’re in love with him, Lightwood. How’s that going to heal?_

_we won't both get our way_  
_if we do, it won't be tonight anyway_

**Author's Note:**

> naji unintentionally written as [literally aladdin](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ELH1EiGU4AE0n-q.jpg)  
> // julian hasn't been cast yet, so feel free to give suggestions 🤪
> 
> { [lyrics](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um1Esy87T54) }  
> { [twitter](https://twitter.com/softbanes) }


End file.
